Slacker

I realized that each month I've been here the number of posts on my blog has dropped progressively by one, and I was going to try to rectify that this month. Looks like I'm on the route to failure on that.

I also realized I've posted fewer pictures, so I was hoping to change that too (as people prefer pretty pictures to rambling rants). But instead of posting tons of pictures I posted links to my albums on facebook on the right side of my blog. You can click on them and check out my photos even if you don't have a facebook account. I was going to at least post a few, but I'm having serious internet problems so if there aren't any pictures in this when you read it just click on the albums on Facebook for now.

I've had a number of trips and met some cool people, and I'm not sure really what to write about. But I did visit John Mark in Antibes, along with his loverly room mates...

I'll tell you a little about two guys who are progressively enriching my life, how about that? I met John Mark, a tall baseball player from Tennessee, when I was getting my medical exam with the other assistants in Nice. Turned out he was a Christian and was looking for a church, and thusthat relationship was started .

The other is Justus (of whom I have yet to get a photo, he's illusive), a church planter with CA here near Nice in a town called Sophia-Antipolis. He's a great guy as well who I got hooked up with through Rob and his connections with CA.

We've been doing a little weekly Bible study that's turned more and more into a discussion hour, and it's been really good. Reading large chunks of scripture together every week and then talking about it, praying together... it's been great.

Jon Mark is the current champion of the group, however, as he had a recent hunting experience quite unlike any he'd ever had in America. And he's an accomplished hunter.


After boar hunting (yes, boar hunting), the French family that took him out went after birds and ended up shooting a bunch of small, sparrow-like creatures. They brought them home, plucked the feathers off, and threw them in the oven.

They then proceeded to sit down and eat the entire bird. They weren't like pheasants, or ducks, they were seriously little bitty birds and there were three to a plate. And when I say entire bird, I mean entire bird. JM said he was a bit shocked because they didn't just pull off the meat (the breast of the bird being about the size of his thumbnail), they bit straight in. He knew he was in for it when the dad just took a bird and bit its head off, chewed the skull up nicely, and swallowed.

What he'd gotten himself into he wasn't sure, but the manly man that he is he proceeded to eat the birds set before him. He wondered why no one was eating the toast on the table when suddenly the guy next to him cracked a bird's rib cage open, scooped out the entrails, and spread them on the toast like jam.

And so JM did the same and choked all it down. John Mark Walls is a true southern hero. And he's quite single ladies ;)

And that'll do for today. I'll try to get more on the internets here as soon as I can. And don't forget to click on the links to photo albums on facebook if you're in the mood for some French photos.

Um... I'm on break

I know I have to write a blog about traveling through Germany, Austria, and Switzerland, but I have a lot on my mind. To say that the situations facing me are convoluted would be kind of an understatement, my future hangs in the balance and there's a lot going on. I feel like things are far too profound right now, every thought and feeling swaying me one way or the other.

And yet, at the core of who I am I remain calm. My emotions peak and plummet, racing to the heights of happiness only to be forced to halt by changing circumstances. Whatever I'm going through, it's weird and difficult, but revealing.

I'm not as strong, self-assured, or manageable as I might have thought. If God were to leave me, to remove His strong yet gracious hand, I'd be in serious trouble. And thank God that He won't, despite my irrational fears that He may. I'm being challenged in ways I thought I was untouchable, my determination, passion, and security in God all shown for the weak shadows that they are. Shadows of something they were meant to be, of a difference that Jesus made up for me.

And so now I feel vulnerable, weak, and alone. Not because I am alone, but because what I lack is being revealed to me in areas I thought I was sufficient; even if I would never have admitted such thoughts to myself. And now I sit, staring at these shadows cast in front of me, witnessing a corrosion of my pride, my self-reliance, my capability, and know that it's the best thing that could happen to me now.

It's an answer to prayer too, as the pattern of my life would have it. Often God answers such prayers in ways unexpected, and right now humility is being dished out from directions in which I hadn't thought to look. Oh how I revel in it, though at times the enemy uses it against me, casting guilt and doubt over all that he can.

But I won't turn back, I won't give up on my God in whom I believe all things good, true and holy are to be found. To do so would be folly, for who else can know my heart and cater to its needs? Who else can direct my path to greater heights than I have ever known?

Only the creator of the mountain can effectively guide one to the most beautiful views, and the maker of the heart catalyze the joys felt in the accomplishment of getting there. It would be foolish of me to view the hardship along the way as punishment, or as too much to bear; for he certainly knows what I can and can't handle, and He is good. He is good. So let rejoicing be found in trial!

Only the fools of the world can say such things, and it is in God's goodness that He chooses us to suffer for Him, and with Him. I will suffer, for in the greater suffering I face the better and more beautiful the end result in my life. The harder the climb, the greater the glory for God and the joy for us both. I resign myself to His loving and caring hands, to whatever ends He has intended for me, for whatever trials. For though I may cry and scream and beg and plead, God is good, and His ways are true.

To turn back now would be to fail; I do enough of that as it is. And as I finish this little message, I recognize that in a few months time I may read this with a great sense of irony, reflecting on events that I currently know nothing about. But how can I care? I must count the cost, and I must plunge ahead. My life is not my own, and I won't look back if God gives me the strength.

My life is not my own, it belongs to my God. For He is my God, and He demands all things of me. But how great the reward at the end of the trials, and how worth the pain and suffering and how worth the dying. The dying to myself, casting off all that is of the world and not of me, of what God created me to be. I must become all that Christ is, but only God can accomplish this in me. The paradoxes never end.

And neither will my suffering, not until Christ comes again to reign in His Kingdom and gives me rest. Gives me peace eternal, and joy, and freedom and excitement that I have only caught but the smallest shimmering glimpse of! What a glorious day, when my sins are finally absolved and my heart is healed! My body is glorified and my eternal tasks set upon, for then I shall finally be free to work with Jesus in ways I can only dream of now.

OH FOR THAT DAY! I can't wait, my chest quivers and my eyes water, to see Christ in His glory, I can lose myself in the image. To be captured in His loving gaze, his outstretched arms, to join with Him in all He has planned for me. To hear "well done, good and faithful servant." This is what I live for, and may it be ever present in my mind.

To Jesus be the Power, the Glory, and the Kingdom forever and ever. AMEN.