Worst blogger ever

I don't actually stay on top of blogging, I guess because ever since I moved back to the states I haven't felt like there was anything worth blogging about in life. Maybe I should just change my modus operandi. Anyways, can't let June slip by without a blog, and might as well use it to tell you about my sister.

She's pretty spectacular, her name is Kaarin (car-in) and she's an aspiring photographer. She's really, really good and has already started getting recognition from all over, she was even featured on WallBlank a while back.

Her website, kaarins.com, was built by yours truly but really what's so great about it is her photography. Her blog is really the best part, and she actually keeps it up unlike some people.

Anyways, I'm really proud of her and thought I'd share her with the three or four people who drop by here every once in a while.

Also, not sure if I mentioned this earlier but the Live Charge website is up and running, so be sure to check that out if you haven't already. It's been keeping me decently busy, making videos is becoming entertaining for me again. It's always a bit discouraging though to realize how no one will ever find them on youtube or anywhere else. At least our friends enjoy them though =)

Whiskers

This last week was rough already. I got high centered in a giant mud puddle up a logging road in a national forest 10 miles out of cell range for starters. That led to a $466 mechanic's bill and the inability to work for a week (when it was work that sent me up there in the first place).

But then my cat, who we've had for 18 years, started peeing blood and had to be put down. Of course since my car was all torn apart in my driveway I was unable to get to Pullman to say goodbye. Her name was Whiskers, and I figured it was only fitting to pay her some sort of tribute.

I met Whiskers when I was 5 years old at Vacation Bible School at the downtown E-Free church in Pullman. One of the volunteers from the church brought in a new litter of kittens so we could play with them (and inevitably pester our parents into adopting one).

I distinctly remember falling in love with one cute little tabby whose paws were white and had a star on her forehead. She was playful and soft and cuddly, and so of course I went home and begged my parents to let us get her. I'm pretty sure I convinced my sister to help me out, especially considering how rotten our previous cat was.

That requires a little explanation. Our first kitten was a little terror, and I loved it too. Largely because I could sick it on my sister and it would literally run her down and jump on her back. And considering my sister was about 2 years old at the time it wasn't too hard to take her down, even for a kitten. That cat came to a quick end though as it had a bad habit of taking naps in the road. So we were catless at this point.

Eventually my parents relented and called up the lady with the kittens. They had a Volvo station wagon and on the way up our incredibly steep hill the latch released on the hatch and the kittens, all locked safely away in their big kitty-karrier, went tumbling out and down the hill. I guess they rolled all the way down and through traffic, where Blaine meets Grand, and wound up safely on the other side.

Miraculously all but one of the kittens got out without a scratch. When she finally made it to the house the only kitten who had been injured was the one I wanted. In the midst of the chaos the tip of her tail had been dislocated and she was left with a permanent kink. My parents asked if we still wanted her, considering the kink, but I was certain that I did.

When asked what we wanted to name her my parents seemed fairly insistent on naming her Whiskers. We loved the name, and it only later came out that they just wanted to pass our first cat's name (and thus her license) on to our new cat.


And so Whiskers II came to live in the Swanson residence; we would go on to have numerous adventures. She soon became a renowned hunter in the family, bringing back snakes and mice alive, of course, so we could learn how to kill ourselves. Once or twice (probably more than that) my sister and I would let her in with her catch only to have it up and running around before we knew it was still kicking.

My mom soon came up with a rule that we weren't to let the cat in as long as she had any friends with her.

There were things that were distinctly 'Whiskers' as well. When she wanted out she sat by the door and stared at us, yowling if we ignored her long enough (or if she felt like it). When she wanted back in she jumped up into whatever window we could see her from then sat and stared at us until we let her in.

Or yowled at us if we were too slow or she felt like it.

There were spots all over the house that were claimed by the cat though: vantage points to survey her queendom both inside and out, and comfortable plots where she could regularly be found napping. I remember my mom's vain attempts to keep her from scratching the furniture, everything from scratching posts and sprays to custom made covers for corners on the couch. I think she eventually just grew out of it (which my mom was grateful for).


I remember my neighbor Johnny and I playing Vet with her, holding her by her paws and lowering her into the 'holding chamber' that was our hide-a-bed couch. We'd close the bed back over the top of her and decide what disease she had depending on how she yowled at us. We'd also put her on the end of the overhang on our front porch, her perch of doom. We thought she looked cool up there but she usually looked and felt more miserable than deadly at such heights.

We were a lot less cruel to her as we grew up, at least I was. My sister and mom both had episodes of throwing and or kicking the cat across various rooms and sets of stairs. Never intentionally, at least so I'm told, but she was a tough cat.

We knew she was tough when my sister finally convinced my parents to let us get a dog. Misha, a hyperactive Blue Healer/Australian Shepperd mix almost gave the cat a heart attack at first. Who this dog was that had encroached on her domain was a mystery to her, but she did know she didn't like it.

Thankfully for the dog Whiskers had mercy and never beat the snot out of her, though she certainly asserted her place. It was on one fateful day that Misha was headed out to our own Volvo station wagon to go for a ride that a neighbor's dalmation rushed across the street and rammed her under the car like a bolt from hell.

My mom screamed and we ran out, but before anyone could do anything the cat had darted out and positioned herself in between the dogs. That dalmatian didn't know what hit it but was taken aback by the ferocious little furball that had thrown herself into its path. Her standoff gave our neighbor enough time to come and collect it, not without a few scratches of its own.

Not to say that Whiskers ever fully accepted the dog beyond a benevolent tollerance, but she certainly took on Garfield's mentalitly: "no one beats on my dog but me."

When I moved downstairs in our house she would insist on coming into my room and sleeping on or under my bed, even if only for a bit. Often she would climb over me and stand on my pillow, peeking out the window from behind my curtains, her tail twitching as she watched whatever it was that caught her fancy. I usually grabbed the half of her that was still visible and startled her.

At night she'd yowl until I let her in, and more often than not be ready to leave after having inspected my room to her satisfaction. Both comings and goings required that I get out of bed, and I rarely appreciatet it.

Even when I went to college she always knew when I was coming home. It was a rare occasion to come home and not have my cat waiting for me on the sidewalk, yowling at my car and prancing up to me expecting to be picked up and held. She liked to extend her paws over my shoulder and rub her chin against my shirt as I bounced her up and down and petted her back. She would purr and close her eyes as she stretched her neck out and rested her head on my shoulder.

I'll miss her a lot.

The past few months she aged rapidly, going deaf and slightly senile but gaining a different level of curiosity and energy than she'd had before. I actually took some footage of her being old and ridiculous on the piano before she died. She became more of an attention hog in her later years and my parents finally gave in and started pampering her with wet food. She'd been a dry food cat all her years, outside of the occasional mouse.



Of course the dog would sit patiently and wait to lick the bowl afterwards, sometimes not so patiently and would get in there prematurely. This led to the need to put it on the piano bench in the living room for her to eat in peace, which of course led to spills as she would push the bowl in her attempts to finish her meal. My dad learned quickly and started putting books on the other side to stop that from happening.

Slowly she stopped hopping up in windows as much, or running around the house. She wasn't able to hear us coming or calling for her, and she got a little disoriented at times which led to some comical falls from various heights.

One of her favorite spots, an end table looking out over the garden on the side of our house sits empty now. I haven't been home to see it yet, it hasn't fully sunk in, but I do miss her already. She was a good cat, a great pet, and a lovely friend.

I'll miss you Whiskers, rest in peace.

Phone Calls

Sometimes I'm glad people can't see your expressions when talking to you on the phone. I just started working a government job and one of my bosses in particular drives me... well, not crazy, what's that place just south of crazy?

Either way he's annoying; he's like Mr. Rogers' long lost mildly retarded cousin Frank who was kicked out of the family but never came to realize it. I know this is kind of mean, but I was subjected to the longest, most worthless, redundant training of my life for a full week (1 day's worth of training over 5) followed by various patronizing statements over the phone last week.

And as I drove down I-90 trying not to swerve too quickly in and out of traffic I caught myself silently mimicking him in a way that I realized was truly mocking. I felt moderately guilty, only moderately because I thought he deserved it but it hit me that I'm an ass sometimes.

Not that this is a fresh realization, I've known it for a while it's just that the full extent of it... I just found a dead pixel on my monitor... dag blast it.

Anyways I generally think I'm pretty cool so catching myself in those less-than-God-fearing moments is rarely a pleasure. And I'm glad that people can't hear what I'm thinking, or see what I'm visualizing. I've become much more aware of my inner, unbidden dialogue that usually flows between judgmental and psychotic. It's disturbing.

What makes it simultaneously better and yet worse is that I know I'm not the only one. I'm pretty certain that while not everyone could have as screwed up of thoughts as I do all the time we're all a little messed up. At least I hope I'm not the only one. That's why it's only bittersweet though because at the same time I wish I was the only one, then the world would be a better place.

And this is why I'm glad people can't see my expressions on the phone, much like they can't easily perceive my heart or mind. It helps to keep a sense of outward propriety while on the inside I'm battling to be honestly so. I don't want to deceive anyone, but shoot... if you knew what was going on in here I doubt you'd want to be my friend for long. Or maybe it'd help our friendship out in the long run.

The other danger is that I've become much more 'real' and transparent with people almost to a fault. If I'm having a bad day I won't really hide it, but that doesn't give me the right to be rude. Life has so much balance to it and I'm so frequently in danger of sliding one way or the other that I'm surprised I haven't just been torn in two and allowed to slide both ways simultaneously.

As long as the cameras on phones face away from the ear piece I should be fine.

And speaking of phones (p.s.) I've released two new videos as of late both involving light sabers and iPhones. iSaber Battle 1 and iSaber Battle 2. Enjoy!

In between

It feels like I regularly find myself in between things in life. Right now I'm in between jobs, hoping that the Lord provides something for me soon. So far He's been more than good to provide for my needs, so I'm not really all that worried. I guess I'd just like to gain some forward momentum.

I'm working on a portfolio website, but I don't really think graphic design is what I want to do with my life. I like building websites but that's not it either. I've always loved making videos but the passion that drives that comes and goes in spurts.

We'll see where I end up. In reading Chambers and praying and thinking I'm realizing that God's calling and my response are really two different things. God calls me to relationship with Him, to follow Him into the thick of things and discover Him for who He is.

How I choose to live my life for Him is really a natural expression of who He made me to be. Often I think we confuse God's call with what we should do vocationally, but I do think they're distinctly different. God's call isn't to do stuff for Him, but to be with Him.

Our reaction to the overwhelming love we experience will certainly be to do something, but that's a separate though not unrelated issue. Whatever I feel most joyously satisfied to do with and for the Lord will be a good response to His love, but the response to His call is to simply be with my Lord and find my all in Him.

Not that all of this makes complete sense to me yet or that I have my answers, but I'll get them soon enough if I just hang on to Jesus for dear life.