Phone Calls

Sometimes I'm glad people can't see your expressions when talking to you on the phone. I just started working a government job and one of my bosses in particular drives me... well, not crazy, what's that place just south of crazy?

Either way he's annoying; he's like Mr. Rogers' long lost mildly retarded cousin Frank who was kicked out of the family but never came to realize it. I know this is kind of mean, but I was subjected to the longest, most worthless, redundant training of my life for a full week (1 day's worth of training over 5) followed by various patronizing statements over the phone last week.

And as I drove down I-90 trying not to swerve too quickly in and out of traffic I caught myself silently mimicking him in a way that I realized was truly mocking. I felt moderately guilty, only moderately because I thought he deserved it but it hit me that I'm an ass sometimes.

Not that this is a fresh realization, I've known it for a while it's just that the full extent of it... I just found a dead pixel on my monitor... dag blast it.

Anyways I generally think I'm pretty cool so catching myself in those less-than-God-fearing moments is rarely a pleasure. And I'm glad that people can't hear what I'm thinking, or see what I'm visualizing. I've become much more aware of my inner, unbidden dialogue that usually flows between judgmental and psychotic. It's disturbing.

What makes it simultaneously better and yet worse is that I know I'm not the only one. I'm pretty certain that while not everyone could have as screwed up of thoughts as I do all the time we're all a little messed up. At least I hope I'm not the only one. That's why it's only bittersweet though because at the same time I wish I was the only one, then the world would be a better place.

And this is why I'm glad people can't see my expressions on the phone, much like they can't easily perceive my heart or mind. It helps to keep a sense of outward propriety while on the inside I'm battling to be honestly so. I don't want to deceive anyone, but shoot... if you knew what was going on in here I doubt you'd want to be my friend for long. Or maybe it'd help our friendship out in the long run.

The other danger is that I've become much more 'real' and transparent with people almost to a fault. If I'm having a bad day I won't really hide it, but that doesn't give me the right to be rude. Life has so much balance to it and I'm so frequently in danger of sliding one way or the other that I'm surprised I haven't just been torn in two and allowed to slide both ways simultaneously.

As long as the cameras on phones face away from the ear piece I should be fine.

And speaking of phones (p.s.) I've released two new videos as of late both involving light sabers and iPhones. iSaber Battle 1 and iSaber Battle 2. Enjoy!