Forgiveness

This is something I've been thinking on for a while, and will continue to do so. But I figured I'd share it and effectively end the decline in monthly Blog posts. Hope it helps someone think this through as well.

And if all you want is pretty pictures, scroll down, look at other blogs in the archives, or go to the Photo Albums link on the right side of the page. Peace.

Forgiveness

I always thought I was good at forgiving people, I don’t know why I thought this, I just always figured I was pretty good at it. I figure it was because I’m supposed to be good at it. As a Christian one of the marks of having a life touched by the forgiveness of God is the ability to better forgive others. This stems from the recognition of exactly how much I’ve been forgiven.

I don’t think I’ve ever really come to terms with exactly how much I’ve been forgiven, and I’m still working it out.

The other day I was talking to my dad and this situation from a few months ago came up when talking about a mutual friend. This person had called me during a day of celebration to essentially accuse me of taking advantage of them and wrest an apology from me. Needless to say, the day was effectively tarnished and the relationship effectively ruined. At least so it would have seemed.

Regardless I put it behind me, thinking that if all it took to call my character into question was a minor misunderstanding then the friendship must never have been that good anyways. I hadn’t done anything wrong. I felt that if their immediate response was to call me up and accuse me of doing them harm, instead of trying to figure things out by asking me first, then what was the point? They had asked why I had done it at least, I suppose, but I felt that their mind was made up as to my guilt before the conversation even started.

So I put it behind me, like I said. Honestly there are few things that can put me off like the questioning of my character or integrity, both of which I try to maintain as best I can. Unfortunately I think my reaction to their being called into question only revealed at what level of importance I place them – a little too highly.

Either way I felt wronged and didn’t bother to try and see it from their point of view. After talking with my dad he had some good points about that, and how restitution should be made. But what was most profound about the discussion was the revelation of how much bitterness I really have held onto over the whole thing. How it hadn’t just up and left, and saying “well I forgive so and so” didn’t really amount to forgiving anyone for anything.

It also started to help me realize just how many other things I was holding onto, so many little things over the years.

I’d just read Luke, and in chapter 17 Jesus tells his disciples that they need to forgive everyone, even if they wrong them 7 times a day, every day, they need to forgive them. The change from verse 4 to 5 seemed odd at best. It says “One day the apostles said to the Lord, ‘We need more faith; tell us how to get it.’” (NLT)

At the time I was a bit confused at the seeming lack of transition. I was thinking ‘where did this come from?’

In talking to my dad I related that for as simple a thing as forgiveness seemed to be, it certainly was difficult to do (I have a lot of forgiving to do I’m realizing). He replied – not knowing I’d just read Luke mind you – that this was the reason the disciples came to Jesus and asked for more faith following His instructions on forgiveness. It’s counterintuitive to forgive people. We hold onto our bitterness as if it were a driving force in our lives.

At least I do. I don’t want to; as Neil T. Anderson puts it “it’s better to live in the freedom of forgiveness than under the bondage of bitterness.” Alliterations aside, this is really true. When I’ve managed to truly forgive someone or experience someone’s forgiveness it’s been the most freeing thing in the world. It’s healing, plain and simple.

The end of Spiderman 3 (though I’m not the biggest fan of the movie) is great for this reason: it’s rife with forgiveness. That’s why it’s moving to see the Hobgoblin die, or to watch the Sandman disappear into the distance: there’s forgiveness and it changes everything for each character involved. Once your bitterness dissolves you realize just how poisonous it really was, the lies that it’s what you want are revealed for what they are, and in my case they lead me to want more freedom.

Clearly I’m not alone, as the good news of the availability of God’s forgiveness that started the early church and inspired the New Testament of the Bible has touched so many lives throughout the ages. To truly understand God’s forgiveness is to experience real freedom, and it’s no wonder people have flocked to the cross for centuries. It’s a beacon of forgiveness in the shadow of what we deserve.

Now, I want to better understand my forgiveness. In realizing just how much bitterness can be created over a minor insult to my integrity I wonder how much hurt I’ve caused God by my lack of belief in His integrity, in His faithfulness. And that’s just for starters. As I look at it through these new lenses I’m crushed, because I realize that what hurt I’ve done Him is ten times worse; because unlike me He is perfect and His integrity is unquestionable.

Here he’s been so generous and given me so much and I turn and spit in His face in one way or another. Similar to the situation I find myself in with my friend. And yet, He has forgiven me. How much more should I forgive the minor insults I receive in my life, especially when they seem or are merited at the time?

What a mix of joy and sorrow, to know that I am forgiven and to recognize how much I must forgive. I only hope I can learn to forgive, and that the Lord gives me more faith, for it is considered no great thing in Christ’s kingdom to forgive.

As he continues to talk in Chapter 17 we see that as a servant isn’t praised for carrying out his duties in the household as he is expected to, neither should we expect any extra honor for doing as we’re expected. Forgiveness, in Christ’s Kingdom, is a given. Now I just need to get better at it. Hopefully this current situation works itself out, and I manage to stand to what’s expected. In the meantime, it’s about time I wrestled with what baggage I have and attain God’s freedom in His forgiveness.