Jaymus Bartholomus Swansonimonimus was born in the year of our Lord 1985 in Pullman, Washington under the sign "Caution, Volatile Chemicals." He later shortened his name in 1992 to Jay Swanson, so as to avoid capture by the Nazi party based out of Northern Idaho. Many dispute the validity of this story, mainly because they’re Nazis.
Jay Swanson has been reported to have moved recently to Nice, France causing the value of the dollar to plummet. He is recorded in the Encyclopedia Britannica as being the most handsome and eligible bachelor in the World as of 1998. But don’t bother trying to verify that in the Encyclopedia, the Nazi’s paid a good amount of money to slander Jay’s name and have it removed from all Encyclopedias.
Damn Nazis.
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