You know what ELSE sucks?

NOTHING, frickin' nothing.

No let's be honest, a lot of things suck but life's too good to justify complaining as part of me would like to.

It's just that sometimes I want to throw a chair and kick some ass

and so I put on some crazy angry music and dance around

by dance I mean kick invisible ninjas and punch vikings in the face.

And I find myself wondering why the hell I'm so pissed?

Is it the lack of certainty in my future?

The loneliness I often feel?

Is it the life-long crush who knows not that I exist

or the fact that the songs I write fall flat on my ears?

Could it be the slow death of Christendom, and how I'd love to hasten it?

Or could it be the lack of passion in God's children to join me in the beating?

I don't get drunk but sometimes I'd love to just so I could go on a bloodlust of rampant theological GARRRRR!!!!

I can't even express how I feel in English! I just want to yell and punch and kick and throw knives at passers by so they'd know how I feel!

I'm not all sad, but I'm not all mad. I'm not all happy or horny or depressed or pissed or passive! I'm all of those things and none of them! I'm a ball of energy and I want to let it out!

So I'll put on some crazy angry music

and I'll kick the air

and someday someone will understand how I feel...

just hopefully not because I kicked them in the solar plexus. Good spot for a kick though.

JESUS IS LORD! And thankfully He puts up with my mood swings, uncertainties and passionate throw-downs of the mind. I'm not perfect, never claimed to be and hopefully rarely think I am. But He is, and His love is good and it's all I need. I just wish it was sufficient for me, because it could be if I only let go of the things that are driving me mad.

Screw it, I'm hopping mad and I'm not sure why. I'm tired of sluggish consumer Christians who claim Christ on Sunday mornings and forget He exists the rest of their week. May I never be that, may I be anything but that. I want to change the world and see people freed and redeemed and loved and held onto tightly. I want the world to know that Jesus is Lord not so that they'll join my 'club' or feed off my ideology, but so that they can LIVE!

So that they can feel this mix of emotions that I feel, that we all feel, and know that it's good. Know that it's a part of life, part of the process, and that sometimes we need to get pissed off at what's wrong and broken and even EVIL in the world. Passivity is for pansies, and he who hides his anger is a liar (check the Proverbs on that one).

So let's get angry at all the wrong things so we can be content and at peace with the right. Let's bring passionate love back into style, not lovey-dovey hugs and kisses where people don't confront each other when they're hurting themselves or others. Love isn't always pleasant, but it always prevails and is always worth it. I'm not even gonna read back through this or edit it on the off chance that someone reads it and decides to do something to change themselves and the world that they live in.

You have no idea how often I just write like this only to delete it; well now I lay my vulnerable self at your feet. Here's a peek to the two people who read this of what I'm truly like. I'm gonna go kick some ass and change the world, you can stick to your comfort and easy life if you want; I'm leaving, come with if you like.