Winding Down

Alright, so I finally have a few minutes to sit and write. Hopefully my intrawebz work long enough for me to get this uploaded. Two weeks ago my friends Mike and Simon came to visit which was nice, we visited all the local spots along the Riviera and I tried to take as many photos as I could for Mike (who sadly didn't have a camera).

We had some good talks, the weirdest of which was Simon's certainty that in the near future no one will use planes and that we'll all travel by boat. He's weird but hey, he's still cooler than crap.

To make life busier I've started my masters program at Whitworth so I'm already swamped with work there, my first paper is due on Friday. I also finished work yesterday, which was classic because 2 of my 3 classes were canceled for tests. True to form.
Sadly I didn't get to say goodbye to a few of my classes, but apparently they figured they'd take the initiative on that. I'll post their letters here for you to see, I thought they were pretty "sweet."

I hope you guys can read all this. Point is: they liked me =)Sorry for the brevity of this post, I have to go pick up my parents from the airport now which is super exciting. I can't believe my time here is almost finished, it's insane. I look forward to spending time with my folks though, it's their first time in Europe. We'll be headed to Paris in a week and then after that I'll be in Dublin, but hopefully I can get on here occasionally. Whelp... better jet. Peace!

Condensed non-exhaustive version of my thoughts

(The following is why I haven't written a blog in a while, and another will come out soon chronicling the recent visit of some friends)

Sometimes it’s not so much a matter of getting accepted into something as whether or not it’s what you feel you should be doing. I’ve had no clue for the longest time.

I’ve been thinking about starting my Masters at Whitworth for a while now. Rob asked me to go to a meeting at the University in the spring of last year to “show support,” but if that was really his goal in pushing me to go I’d be surprised. Regardless he did say that he thought it would be good for me, and it did sound intriguing at the time.

I like to learn, and there are few things in life I’m more passionate about in regard to learning than God and His Church. So in some ways it seemed the perfect fit, start a Masters and have a blast. To top things off my dad will be doing the program and I really miss spending time in the Word with him. He’s to thank for most of my early life as a Christian; without his guiding hand in my life I’d be nowhere near where I am now.

Which, the more I get to know God, isn’t nearly as close to where I should be; but we do what we can and we are where we are by the grace of God. And God’s grace was displayed effectively in my dad.

I’ve been wrestling with the idea of going to Whitworth for months now, starting back in March when I applied and continuing until today. I’m not sure why I struggled with it so much, largely due to the amount of debt I’ve accrued already while in school I think.

Ultimately I came to the realization that I wasn’t trusting God to provide for me. Kind of waiting for Him to say He would when He already has (Proverbs 10:3, Matthew 6:28-30, or Luke 12:28). And although yes, I should be working, I’m going to have to work either way so why not take advantage of the opportunity in front of me while I can?

Granted it will be tough doing both; however when have school, work, and ministry been an easy combination? Rarely - if ever - in my experience, so what’s to make me think that I should be able to find an easy path now? And if it does prove too hard hopefully I can scale back a bit on my course load.

This is a chance to grow personally, to find new opportunities to serve, and to feed the community that has given me so much in new and hopefully profound ways. It’s a chance to spend time with older wiser men, to learn more about the Lord and his Bride than I ever have before, and to be challenged and hopefully pushed beyond where I would have gone on my own.

Speaking of challenges, my first paper is due on May 2^nd; I’d better get to work.

You know what ELSE sucks?

NOTHING, frickin' nothing.

No let's be honest, a lot of things suck but life's too good to justify complaining as part of me would like to.

It's just that sometimes I want to throw a chair and kick some ass

and so I put on some crazy angry music and dance around

by dance I mean kick invisible ninjas and punch vikings in the face.

And I find myself wondering why the hell I'm so pissed?

Is it the lack of certainty in my future?

The loneliness I often feel?

Is it the life-long crush who knows not that I exist

or the fact that the songs I write fall flat on my ears?

Could it be the slow death of Christendom, and how I'd love to hasten it?

Or could it be the lack of passion in God's children to join me in the beating?

I don't get drunk but sometimes I'd love to just so I could go on a bloodlust of rampant theological GARRRRR!!!!

I can't even express how I feel in English! I just want to yell and punch and kick and throw knives at passers by so they'd know how I feel!

I'm not all sad, but I'm not all mad. I'm not all happy or horny or depressed or pissed or passive! I'm all of those things and none of them! I'm a ball of energy and I want to let it out!

So I'll put on some crazy angry music

and I'll kick the air

and someday someone will understand how I feel...

just hopefully not because I kicked them in the solar plexus. Good spot for a kick though.

JESUS IS LORD! And thankfully He puts up with my mood swings, uncertainties and passionate throw-downs of the mind. I'm not perfect, never claimed to be and hopefully rarely think I am. But He is, and His love is good and it's all I need. I just wish it was sufficient for me, because it could be if I only let go of the things that are driving me mad.

Screw it, I'm hopping mad and I'm not sure why. I'm tired of sluggish consumer Christians who claim Christ on Sunday mornings and forget He exists the rest of their week. May I never be that, may I be anything but that. I want to change the world and see people freed and redeemed and loved and held onto tightly. I want the world to know that Jesus is Lord not so that they'll join my 'club' or feed off my ideology, but so that they can LIVE!

So that they can feel this mix of emotions that I feel, that we all feel, and know that it's good. Know that it's a part of life, part of the process, and that sometimes we need to get pissed off at what's wrong and broken and even EVIL in the world. Passivity is for pansies, and he who hides his anger is a liar (check the Proverbs on that one).

So let's get angry at all the wrong things so we can be content and at peace with the right. Let's bring passionate love back into style, not lovey-dovey hugs and kisses where people don't confront each other when they're hurting themselves or others. Love isn't always pleasant, but it always prevails and is always worth it. I'm not even gonna read back through this or edit it on the off chance that someone reads it and decides to do something to change themselves and the world that they live in.

You have no idea how often I just write like this only to delete it; well now I lay my vulnerable self at your feet. Here's a peek to the two people who read this of what I'm truly like. I'm gonna go kick some ass and change the world, you can stick to your comfort and easy life if you want; I'm leaving, come with if you like.

You know what sucks?

European Coke cans weigh more so I always think I've got more Coke left to drink than I really do. It's depressing.